To get the weekend started we are reposting a great recent piece from
that deserves some more eyeballs. As you will see the photography alone is worth the price of admission, let alone the prose.Now this may be a simplistic point, but I think one nice thing about the internet is that it allows for us to see how others are living. Yes, this can be voyeuristic and the impulse of the one letting us in can be merely to show off but I think when done right- as with todays piece- such glimpses can be valuable. It’s all a question of intent and honesty I would say. And I believe today’s work has that in spades.
Finally, I want to use the last bit of this intro to remind everyone that this Sunday will see the release of the latest monthly Symposium, so be sure to subscribe to the STSC ‘stack so that you don’t miss it. Also make sure to check out
‘s publication too.Cheers.
TJB.
This Valentine’s Day, I will express my love for the chaotic charm that is New York City. It is dirty, crazy, and expensive, and many days I’m over it as a new father…and yet I just can’t quit.
Out my old window, Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridges, LES
While great so far, how sustainable and realistic is our New York lifestyle as a family?
Consider, for instance, our heavier reliance on communally shared spaces. It is a necessity given compact living in New York, forcing us to balance the richness of shared public experiences in exchange for smaller private spaces.
In other words, for New Yorkers life unfolds at a table for two, usually over something tasty. You may not be able to control as much…like Saluggi’s might seat you outside on a really hot day…
Grandma Pizza, Saluggi’s East, Lower East Side
…while inside the best laid plans may be disrupted by someone unruly.
Our dog, Baxter, upset at being a spectator to life in NYC.
New York is far from perfect, and oftentimes things do not go as planned…being late from traffic or the F train, no band tonight, or the new bartender can’t pour Guinness quite like Mick can. For such a stereotypically impatient city, it does reward saying yes and being patient given how little is really in our control.
This happens because New York City is not designed for anyone, and especially for parents who want control. Trusting New York for a memorable evening out is one thing; giving up control when it comes to my child’s safety and well-being is a very different conversation. For instance, the inevitable day my daughter takes the MTA alone marks a significant parenting milestone in New York. It is a lesson in letting go and trusting her to navigate the city's complexities, a rite of passage that teaches independence but also highlights our limitations in controlling her environment.
Dead-ass not in control anymore
Ask ten parents how they are thinking about this, and you will get ten answers or more that reflect the complex balance between risk tolerance and the need for control. Thoughts and concerns range from health and safety for the child and the unpleasant impact the child may have on others. Is the music too loud or will my kid get sick? How upset will others be to hear a crying baby? Should I really pick up the pacifier she dropped on the sidewalk?
von King Park, Bed Stuy, Brooklyn
Many parents are navigating a shifting risk environment and risk appetite, working through acceptable risks vs. rewards amidst uncertainty. Our conversations dwell on level-setting our own views on risks and what makes sense for our own babies.
Our babies to date are too young to really reap the rewards of living in New York City, such as access to diverse cultures, arts, and experiences. And yet, I am excited for what such a dynamic setting can do for my daughter. Even though I cannot mitigate all the risks outside my front door, saying yes to the world for her feels like the right call.
I see this parenting approach more often as parents are looking to also be out and about in New York. I see more growing families in Brooklyn engaging communal spaces, while the New Yorker even covered the development of Baby Hour where new parents (including us) swarm the early bird special hours with children in tow.
Over countless discussions with other new parents, one piece of wisdom from an expectant mother struck a chord that resonated with my own approach to parenting and risk management in general:
“Overreacting to perceived risks can create a dangerous illusion of control”
So much of parenting feels like embracing uncertainty while simultaneously protecting and instilling independence from needing my protection. I can mitigate risk all I want, but as a parent I must accept on some level that I do not have control over many of the risks that face my daughter and me. As a result, I should spend scarce resources managing and mitigating the risks I can control, minimize the ones I cannot control, and take the upside of living here that makes it so worthwhile to be here in the first place.
Overall, I am optimistic we will stay in Bed-Stuy, navigating uncertainty and our own risk and reward in Brooklyn together. Like the rest of New York, it is a beautiful place despite its flaws. Seeing New York through her eyes allows me to see it for the first time again as the city where she will be from…not because of what it is but who she becomes.
Breakfast at Chez Oskar in Bed-Stuy…table for 2.5 for now
I still cannot say if my daughter will grow to love living in New York as much as we do, but I will try as life unfolds for her, one “table for 3” at a time.